NaBloPoMo2019: Seventeen

I had a really productive day today.

I woke up early (6am – thanks so much 0430 wake ups for ruining my definition of sleeping in for the rest of forever) and ran a 10k before walking my dogs another 5k. There’s nothing like doubling your move goal before 10am.

After lunch I slathered on the icy-hot and settled in to work on my paper. I’m steadily chipping away at it. Hilariously, I tweeted about not wanting to write the paper only to have six bots offer to write it for me almost instantly. I think I’ll pass on those offers.

I finished decorating my tree this afternoon too. It makes me so happy. Everything on that tree has special meaning. And it just makes my house so much cheerier. I’m so glad I decided to decorate early this year.

And then, when I went to feed my dogs, the light in my garage didn’t come on. After I turned on the manual light, I flipped some breakers yet couldn’t get the garage door to work. Which isn’t great considering both my cars are in there. I had a minor freak out, called my husband and decided I would deal with it tomorrow. I knew I could always manually open the door.

But of course that didn’t sit well with me at all. So I went back out and started messing with the motor. I got that to work, but still couldn’t get the control by the door to work. So back to google I went. After finding a trouble shooting guide, I jumped to the last step and removed the control from the wall. As I did, the door kept opening and closing, but not in response to my pressing the button. I got it off, touched the wires together and tada it worked. So the new control is on its way and I’ll replace it Tuesday night.

Y’all. I’m so proud of myself for figuring this out. It seems like something always goes wrong when my husband is gone. Our mini-fridge broke on one trip. The drainage pipe from our garbage disposal came undone on another. And this time the garage door control. And I have fixed every single one. There is power in that.

NaBloPoMo2019: Sixteen

I decided to decorate for Christmas today. I put my tree up last weekend and then didn’t do anything else until today. My Mom sent me my pre-Christmas goodies and those inspired me to get on with the decorating. But, no pictures of everything until those have been given to everyone. Hence the pic above has had this year’s decoration removed.

And there will be no pics of the tree because a) I haven’t finished it and b) all pics of it feature this year’s decoration. But hanging the ornaments always make me smile.

This isn’t even all of my ornaments. This doesn’t include any of the handmade ornaments. My Mom and my Aunt make ornaments every year and those always go on first. And then we both have all of our childhood ornament collections. And then the ornaments we’ve purchased/been given/collected since getting married. I’m pretty sure we’ll need a bigger tree in a few years so everything can fit.

I’m looking forward to finishing the tree tomorrow and then having it to enjoy as I head into finals season. I also just ordered a wire wreath to display our Christmas cards. In the past I’ve done them on the bookshelves above, but it gets pretty crowded. So I’m hoping this will work as an alternative that lets both the cards and my statues to have equal prominence.

NaBloPoMo2019: Fifteen

Another five for Friday.

one I ran 9 miles this morning, bringing my monthly total to 54.6 miles. I haven’t hit 50 miles in a month since January. It’s no surprise then that I’m feeling much more like myself, the more running I do. Of course, I also feel super sore (in a good way) from all the running. If I keep this up, I’ll hit 100 miles in a month for the first time ever in my running career. I’m so glad I decided to sign up for the Surf City Half-Marathon, it was just the kick in the butt I needed to get back to running more.

two Campus was super spooky one morning this week with super low fog. The fog has also come with bad air quality, since all the junk in the air has also been trapped. But it’s also come with cooler mornings that are just glorious. We’re due for some rain next week, and I really hope it washes the gunk out of the air, my poor lungs are tired from breathing it in all the time.

three These guys got spoiled this week. It was a light school week, so I was only gone one full day. This meant they got more couch cuddles and longer walks during the week. It’s nice for all of us. While they definitely miss Brian, they also are able to spend more time in the couch with me, since there’s not enough room for all four of us.

four My bra from ThirdLove showed up yesterday! I like it quite a bit, it fits very nicely and is super pretty to boot. It seems to be very well constructed. It’s also quite comfortable and disappears underneath my clothes, so I’ll definitely be buying more.

five I get to register tonight for next semesters classes. Or, I get to register for half of them. We do registration in two passes and this time I’m going last in the first round and first in the second round. So far only one of the classes I wanted has filled, so I’ll just take that one a different time. I’ll have a very strange schedule if I get the classes I want, but I’ll also be taking some really fun classes. I’ll wait to say anything about what I’m taking until I get in, I don’t want to jinx it after all. And it’s really strange to realize that I’m almost halfway done with law school.

NaBloPoMo2019: Fourteen

This week is kicking my butt y’all.

I have cried so much this week. Including because of traffic today when it took me over half an hour to go less than two miles. I walk faster than that on a slow day. I also cried yesterday over a sad comic on Instagram. So, to say I’m fragile right now is an understatement.

I miss my husband. I last saw him nineteen days ago. And there’s another six to go before I see him again. Plus he’ll be going to night shift right after he gets back. And we’re still waiting for word on if he’ll spend six months of next year on the East Coast while I’m here at home. But I’m looking forward to have him back and home to cuddle for awhile. And to sleeping better – I never sleep well when he’s gone.

I’m only a little stressed about school at least. I’m done with all my reading for the rest of the semester. So now it’s just finals prep and finish my paper. Which I’m well ahead of most people turning in a paper, we’ve got over a month until it’s due. But I want to stay ahead.

About the only school stress right now is registering. I have to wait until tomorrow night for my first pass and Tuesday night for my second. There should still be plenty of spots in the three classes I want, but you just never know. I’m trying not to let it get to me, but based on the rest of the above, I’m only slightly succeeding.

I’m grateful to be able to sleep in tomorrow. And it’s a long run day, so here’s to those two things combining to help lift my spirits. Because I’m tired of being in this funk.

NaBloPoMo2019: Thirteen

Inspired by my friend Stephany I’m following some gratitude prompts today. I’m not feeling particularly grateful today, I’ve got the blues from being gone alone too much and end of semester stress to boot. But, I also have a lot in my life to be grateful for, so I’m going to hang on to that for now.

I’m most grateful for my ability to run. It’s been four years since I got serious about running, and this year has been an ebb year, but every time I come back to it, I know how right it is. I hit 45.5 miles logged for the month this morning and I’m so glad I have this workout that helps me to feel like the best version of myself.

In this moment, the things I love most about my family is how we stay in touch. My husband has been gone for two and a half weeks and still has a week to go before he comes home. Every morning when he gets up, he texts me hello and then I call him while I drive to school. Every afternoon he calls me as he drives back to his hotel room to change for the gym. Every night we chat on Steam while eating dinner and chilling and then we FaceTime right before bed. It’s a lot of communication, but I’m an over communicator. And I’m lucky to be married to someone who misses me just as much as I miss him. And we both enjoy sharing as much of our days together as we can, even when we are apart.

Something that made me smile today was how my class has bonded over our professor. This class has been a trip, and not the good kind. I’ll be very glad to have it behind me. Until then, I’m glad that my classmates and I have bonded over the shit we’ve been through this semester. Three classes left y’all, we can do it.

What are you grateful for today?

NaBloPoMo2019: Twelve

I have never been an early decorator for Christmas. I believe in giving all the holidays their time of year. As a kid, we always put our tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving. It was a whole family affair. And it truly was wonderful.

After I got married, I tried to keep that tradition up. But my husband isn’t big on any holiday. He half-heartedly helped a couple of years, before I realized that I do this for me and it’s ok to do it by myself. Letting him off the hook for that expectation was a wonderful gift to both of us.

He has worked most of the last few Thanksgivings – last year being a rare exception where he literally came home from his military duty the day before. So I typically out the tree up around that weekend while he’s gone (or sleeping when he’s been on nights).

Last year I read the same article everyone did about how decorating early made you happier. And even though I’m not a big Thanksgiving fan, I stuck with putting it up after. Even though that meant I was decorating during finals – it was a great study break – and I enjoyed the glow of the tree while I tried to convince myself I wasn’t going to fail out of law school.

Which brings us to today. 16 days before Thanksgiving. And my tree is up. It’s pitch black outside at 5:30 pm and I’m home alone for another eight days. Only to have my husband go straight to working nights when he gets back. I need the cheer. I need the glow.

So I’m breaking the rules and decorating early. And I’m looking forward to working on my paper and studying for finals next to the warm glow of my Christmas tree. Here’s to bringing some hygge into my life while it’s dark outside. Here’s to fighting my loneliness and blues and fears with some actual light.

It reminds me of one of our wedding readings, from a Star Wars novelization by Matthew Woodring Stover. And rather than summarize, I’ll leave you with it.

The dark is generous.
Its first gift is concealment: our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still. But the greatest concealment lies not in protecting our secret truths, but in hiding from the truths of others.
The dark protects us from what we dare not know.
Its second gift is comforting illusion: the ease of gentle dreams in night’s embrace, the beauty that imagination brings to what would repel in the day’s harsh light. But the greatest of its comforts is the illusion that dark is temporary: that every night brings a new day. Because it’s the day that is temporary.
Day is the illusion.
Its third gift is the light itself: as days are defined by the nights that divide them, as stars are defined by the infinite black through which they wheel, the dark embraces the light, and brings it forth from the center of its own self.
With each victory of the light, it is the dark that wins.

The dark is generous, and it is patient.
It is the dark that seeds cruelty into justice, that drips contempt into compassion, that poisons love with grains of doubt.
The dark can be patient, because the slightest drop of rain will cause those seeds to sprout.
The rain will come, and the seeds will sprout, for the dark is the soil in which they grow, and it is the clouds above them, and it waits behind the star that gives them light.
The dark’s patience is infinite.
Eventually, even stars burn out.

The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins.
It always wins because it is everywhere.
It is in the wood that burns in your hearth, and in the kettle on the fire; it is under your chair and under your table and under the sheets on your bed. Walk in the midday sun, and the dark is with you, attached to the soles of your feet.
The brightest light casts the darkest shadow.

The dark is generous and it is patient and it always wins – but in the heart of its strength lies its weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back.
Love is more than a candle.
Love can ignite the stars

NaBloPoMo2019: Eleven

I’m feeling a little bit melancholy this Veteran’s Day. We’re two weeks in to my husband being gone and have a week and a half to go before he’s back home. We’ve spent more Veteran’s Days apart than we’ve spent together, which is actually true of most holidays. But it hits particularly hard on a holiday meant to recognize him for his service.

Today was taken slow and gentle, because I woke up feeling fragile given the above. I ran an easy 5k and then walked the dogs another three miles. I try to get them out as much as I can on the weekends because they get the short end of the stick during the school week.

And then I settled in to watch a 2.5 hour documentary for one of my classes. There was no real narration, so it just jumped from interview to interview with very little guidance. Further, a solid 60% of it was in various not-English languages with subtitles, so it was not an easy-to-watch-and-multitask viewing like my prof promised. Further, it was based on a document that was forged – and they relied heavily on it. Which, is par for the course for this class. I definitely won’t miss it at the end of the semester.

And then I also wrapped up with the final 63 pages of reading for another class. I had zero motivation to work on my paper, so I knocked everything else out for the semester. So now, I don’t have many excuses to not work on the paper. Here’s to having that done by the end of the week.

And I’m looking forward to this week of school. It’s a light week, but I’ll be glad for some forced social interactions. I always remember what an extrovert I am when my husband is gone.